I just read one of the best and impactful books that I’ve ever read. It is called, “The Way of the Dragon or The Way of the Lamb”. In this book, the authors talk on the difference between gurus and sages, which I believe is a very important message for Christianity today. I’m not going to review the book now, but I might later.
One thing inside of the book that is touched on quite a bit is finding God’s strength in our weakness. It really helped me see how I’ve not only taken God out of the equation with “getting things done”, but also how I’ve somehow seen my own weaknesses as complete failures. Because of that, not only didn’t I rely on God’s strength, but I limited myself because of my own weaknesses. I had to do some repenting because of that.
Also, it has caused me to stop limiting myself, because I’m not really relying on myself. If He can convey his messages through a donkey, then He definitely could use me, despite my weaknesses, as well as my strengths which are easy for me to depend on. Looking at my life these past 10 years, I’ve definitely limited myself, AND GOD because of this.
Now, I’m having to take a step back in some areas, and watch what He does. In others, I’m having to get beyond my own limited mindsets to seeing myself as God sees me. I can sing, write, and create in ANY way that I want to. I love that, and I’m looking forward to the journey that God will take me on.
I am a fairly strong person, and it is easy for me to tap on my own reserves when dealing with a situation. However, there was once a situation in my life that I had spent years listening to other people’s advice, as well as tried to work things out my way. It wasn’t working. Really, it came down to a huge defect in the other person that I had no control over, (and didn’t want control over, except to be left alone.)
Back last August, I had a moment in prayer, where I believe God freed me from that situation. I got my authority back in my life and that person’s control over me was gone. I was still left with the feeling that I “should” keep an eye on things to protect our family, but I felt that God was saying to trust Him. At first this was hard. I do believe that God wants us to exercise our free will in most matters. This one, though, He was saying, “hands off”. I obeyed, and I found so much freedom. I haven’t been afraid at all about the situation since then, and it has almost been 9 months. He is good.
He also asked it of me with my music career. (The “Erisa Rei” one.) I watched as He worked out some really cool things with my music that I’d been working hard for on my own. He met me in my stewardship and the music started doing better. I’ve even had to turn down gigs, because I felt that I was getting too busy.
Well, now I feel that He is calling me to something different. I’m not sure what that different looks like. Is it so I focus on Christian music? Is it for me to start writing more, outside of songwriting? Is it so I can just rest? Is it because He has some other sort of ministry for me? I’m not sure. He probably sighs over the amount of questions that I ask Him. (Much better than the never asking Him questions that was originally the case, but that’s another blog post, maybe.)
I have no idea what the future holds. I’m a bit impatient about the whole “not-knowing” thing. However, I’m choosing to trust Him. I know that it will work out best that way.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)