I am a fairly strong person, and it is easy for me to tap on my own reserves when dealing with a situation. However, there was once a situation in my life that I had spent years listening to other people’s advice, as well as tried to work things out my way. It wasn’t working. Really, it came down to a huge defect in the other person that I had no control over, (and didn’t want control over, except to be left alone.)
Back last August, I had a moment in prayer, where I believe God freed me from that situation. I got my authority back in my life and that person’s control over me was gone. I was still left with the feeling that I “should” keep an eye on things to protect our family, but I felt that God was saying to trust Him. At first this was hard. I do believe that God wants us to exercise our free will in most matters. This one, though, He was saying, “hands off”. I obeyed, and I found so much freedom. I haven’t been afraid at all about the situation since then, and it has almost been 9 months. He is good.
He also asked it of me with my music career. (The “Erisa Rei” one.) I watched as He worked out some really cool things with my music that I’d been working hard for on my own. He met me in my stewardship and the music started doing better. I’ve even had to turn down gigs, because I felt that I was getting too busy.
Well, now I feel that He is calling me to something different. I’m not sure what that different looks like. Is it so I focus on Christian music? Is it for me to start writing more, outside of songwriting? Is it so I can just rest? Is it because He has some other sort of ministry for me? I’m not sure. He probably sighs over the amount of questions that I ask Him. (Much better than the never asking Him questions that was originally the case, but that’s another blog post, maybe.)
I have no idea what the future holds. I’m a bit impatient about the whole “not-knowing” thing. However, I’m choosing to trust Him. I know that it will work out best that way.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)