God has had me on a very specific journey for the past year and a half. He asked me to trust Him. I have been a lot better about it than I used to be, but I still have moments of putting my fingerprints on what God wants to handle.
Right now, there are a lot of things up in the air for us as a family. It seems the adult members of our clan are being required of God to trust Him in an even deeper way. We are all thinkers, and it is easy for us to rationalize our way through life. He is calling me personally to watch what He can do. It is easy, sometimes. 😀
“Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” – Exodus 14:13
I am a fairly strong person, and it is easy for me to tap on my own reserves when dealing with a situation. However, there was once a situation in my life that I had spent years listening to other people’s advice, as well as tried to work things out my way. It wasn’t working. Really, it came down to a huge defect in the other person that I had no control over, (and didn’t want control over, except to be left alone.)
Back last August, I had a moment in prayer, where I believe God freed me from that situation. I got my authority back in my life and that person’s control over me was gone. I was still left with the feeling that I “should” keep an eye on things to protect our family, but I felt that God was saying to trust Him. At first this was hard. I do believe that God wants us to exercise our free will in most matters. This one, though, He was saying, “hands off”. I obeyed, and I found so much freedom. I haven’t been afraid at all about the situation since then, and it has almost been 9 months. He is good.
He also asked it of me with my music career. (The “Erisa Rei” one.) I watched as He worked out some really cool things with my music that I’d been working hard for on my own. He met me in my stewardship and the music started doing better. I’ve even had to turn down gigs, because I felt that I was getting too busy.
Well, now I feel that He is calling me to something different. I’m not sure what that different looks like. Is it so I focus on Christian music? Is it for me to start writing more, outside of songwriting? Is it so I can just rest? Is it because He has some other sort of ministry for me? I’m not sure. He probably sighs over the amount of questions that I ask Him. (Much better than the never asking Him questions that was originally the case, but that’s another blog post, maybe.)
I have no idea what the future holds. I’m a bit impatient about the whole “not-knowing” thing. However, I’m choosing to trust Him. I know that it will work out best that way.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
Oftentimes we, as humans, make things more complicated than they should be. I’m the master at this. My tendency to examine and ponder about various aspects of my internal goings-on can be called tedious, at best. Allowing simplicity to pour over each situation would definitely save me a lot of tossing and turning emotionally. However, handing over that trust to God is exactly what our faith walk is. For me, it is something that I have to do on a daily basis, multiple times a day. It’s so easy to put my fingerprints all over everything in my life. Part of that is being a mother or a woman, I think. Another part is because of the old battle scars. I’m happy that I have them, because the situations I went through made me a stronger person. However, I have no wish to revisit the pain that accompanied them.
So with all of this touching, messing with, and overthinking, sometimes I have to force myself to stop and ask myself the following question:
What would I do if I knew that God’s hand would provide the means to accomplish it?
The answer is so simple, but the acting out of this answer is what is difficult. Fear really gets in the way. Fear and its accompanying “what if’s” too often keep me from stepping out with confidence. On the other side of that, I’m impatient and once solid in a direction, I get where I want to get the ball rolling sooner than I need to.
How about you? What would you do if you knew that God would provide the means to accomplish that which your heart desires to do? Do you let fear sidetrack you? Or impatience push you before the right time?